More bacon than the pan can handle

General Conference Review

2011-04-03T19:04:00.003-06:00

You know how you can always listen to General Conference and if you make it a matter of prayer and pay close attention to all the talks and take good notes, you'll have revealed the thing the Lord wants you to take away from it?

You know how sometimes it may just be a subtle hint in one of the talks or it may be totally unrelated to any talk, but it's just the quiet whispering of the Holy Spirit that only came because you made listening to the Prophet a high priority?

Well, I got one.

It was a simple message.

You might have missed the references.

I think the Lord wants me to...

Open Source in Meatspace

2010-08-26T11:55:00.002-06:00

I have been thinking about printer designs lately.

Inkjet, laser, whatever. The companies that make them (HP, Kodak, Canon, Lexmark, Brother) rely on the following basic business model:

Sell customers the printer, earn $60-$300
Sell customers proprietary ink cartridge refills, earn $25 every other month
Printer breaks down after 2-3 years, repeat

In short, they are happy to make money on the initial investment, but the real cash cow is the returning business for the ink. It beats the old business model of selling defective products that need more frequent replacement, but the ink business is still an artificially-induced demand market. Ink cartridges could be standardized and ink could cost a whole lot less money, but that is how these companies stay afloat. It's either this or pay ten times more up front for the printer.

It got me thinking.

The expertise for a more intelligent design of printers is out there. Engineers and manufacturers already have interest in such designs. In a parallel world, the software industry has found an incredible resource in the open-source community for putting together large coding projects that would be altogether too big for a single tinkerer (which is what they mostly are -- software developers with real jobs and tinkering on open source projects on the side). Their capacity for creation seems almost limitless for them, except for the limit of the computer screen.

The advantage that software developers have is that it really just comes down to expertise. That's what you pay for in a computer program: the smarts of the people creating it.

In manufacturing a meatspace product, however, on top of expertise you have:

Raw materials
Fabrication facilities (machines that cut, mold, weld, form, etc.)
Quality assurance, safety, insurance (meatspace products have more of a tendency to injure than raw code does)
Distribution (I long for the days of replicating and emailing pieces of plastic and steel)

I am rather confident that engineers working together en masse in their spare time could eventually design a much better printer than we now have. It would last longer, require less ink maintenance and would be entirely open-source for iterations and improvements from other tinkerers.

It's just the manufacturing that's got me puzzled.

Any ideas?

Hi, I'm Cassandra I am an Artist, a Wife, a Mother and I'm a Mormon

2010-08-10T09:33:00.000-06:00

Dan Barney was my AP art teacher at Timpview. He is great. Here is his wife Cassandra, who is also an artist and a Mormon!

Too much to absorb

2010-08-08T15:47:00.002-06:00

My internet attention span is too short to write high-quality blog posts. I blame Google Reader's "Recommended items" button.

Favorites

2010-06-15T12:05:00.002-06:00

We're pretty accustomed to having favorite or "lucky" numbers. It's one of the questions you might use in getting to know someone new. What does it tell you about the person, though?

Many people pick 7 because it's universally lucky; perhaps they want universal acceptance. Only the daring would pick 13 (or those asking for trouble). Picking 0 or 1 could indicate you're a loner. Three is a magic number and 4 is cosmic (if you want to know why 4 is cosmic, ask me about it some time). And some wise guy might choose pi, which is truly a transcendent number.

Mine is 74.

It has been at least since 4th grade when I painted the number in watercolors. I represented it in blue and violet because my synesthesia views it that way, and I've always enjoyed the superfluous cross the seven often gets.

I think, though, that letters may have an even stronger relationship to our personalities. Letters are associated with far more things in our lives, since every named thing and person contains letters. What are your favorite letters and what do you think they say about you? How about least favorite letters?

Find the Pattern

2010-06-09T17:38:00.002-06:00

Kindly write the next two or three letters that logically follow in this sequence:

GWJATJJMJMJQAAJMVBWHJT

JKPZTMFFPJBALAJUSG

RBHJAGCAAGCBHGCWMTR

HTWWWGHCCHHFDRHSTDDE

JFKLBJRN

GFJECRRGHB...

I'll leave it at that for now. If no one gets it, I'll give a hint.

Very Many Bonus points if you can think of two or three letters that plausibly precede this sequence.

Like a furry caterpillar

2010-06-01T21:50:00.001-06:00

When I shaved off my beard and wore my mustache, at first I wasn't sure if I liked it. . . BUT IT'S GROWING ON ME!

To see my new best friend and his mustache, visit AxeCop.com

Reverse vampire

2010-05-24T15:20:00.001-06:00

I'll be awake and working during sunlit hours, just like normal people. At least for another month or so.

Happy Cinco de Mayo, all you Mexicans!

2010-05-05T07:05:00.004-06:00

At first I hesitated to write "Happy Cinco de Mayo, all you Mexicans!" as this article's title because I thought my American friends might think I was racist for openly using the "M" word. Turns out though, that Mexicans wear this label proudly.

My ethnocentrism actually shows itself more in assuming Mexicans celebrate Cinco de Mayo at all. It's much more of an American holiday, falsely assumed to be Mexico's "Fourth of July" (Mexican Independence Day is Sept. 16). In Mexico, you might find a fiesta in the state of Puebla, if at all.

Mexico had been independent from Spain for almost half a century when the Battle of Puebla was won on May 5, 1862. This war with France began the previous year when Mexican President Benito Juárez refused to pay interest on some international debts because of national bankruptcy. Spain and Britain were also owed money and tried to collect, but France was more aggressive and used the nonpayment as an excuse to occupy Mexico (coveting some rich mines in Mexico's northwest).

The Battle of Puebla came early in the war, and wasn't really terribly decisive. It only delayed France's invasion of Mexico City. Presidente Juárez escaped and formed a government-in-exile in Chihuahua while one of the Hapsburgs (the younger brother of the Emperor of Austria, Franz Joseph, whose heir would later cause World War I by being assassinated) was proclaimed Emperor Maximilian I of Mexico in 1864.

Establishing Max as the monarch was the Mexican conservatives' idea. They wanted a return to the good ol' days of royalty, but they weren't pleased when they learned how progressive his Highness was. He favored a limited monarchy sharing powers with an elected congress and brought about laws abolishing child labor, limiting work hours, and lifting Indians out of serfdom. He didn't have many friends in the liberal camp either though, since that included Juárez and the people who opposed monarchy. Still, he developed a strong allegiance to his new nationality and displayed an affinity for his people. Later in the conflict, Maximilian offered Juárez amnesty and even the post of prime minister, but was turned down.

Juárez's forces began making a comeback in 1865, which coincidentally marked the end of the U.S. Civil War. Without this distraction, President Andrew Johnson dispatched troops to the border and made it clear to the French that the U.S. opposed the Mexican monarchy. He had a hard time cooperating with Congress (our first impeached president!), so he ordered the Army to "lose" some 30,000 muskets "near" the Mexican border. Largely because of the United States' moves, France began pulling out of Mexico in late 1866.

Maximilian was captured in an escape attempt and sentenced to death on May 15, 1867. This was justified by his infamous "Black Decree" issued a year and a half earlier threatening any captured Mexican Republican with immediate execution. In spite of pleas via telegram from royals in Europe, and even though Juárez liked Maximilian on a personal level, he enforced the execution as a message that Mexico would not tolerate governments imposed by foreign powers. Facing the firing squad, Max's last words were, "Mexicanos! I die in a just cause... the independence and liberty of Mexico. May my blood be the last to flow for the good of this land. Viva Mexico!"

I Rolled This

2010-04-13T07:28:00.002-06:00

These are pictures relating to the ancient Mongolian bone rolling game "Shagai."

Normally, there are just four different stable orientations these ankle bones can land in: sheep, goat, camel, and horse. Thus, I was shocked and surprised to get this 'leaning jowler.' What do we call it? A cow?

Dinners

2010-03-23T13:52:00.002-06:00

I want to try out something new and exciting. It's called "meal-planning."

Basically, it means you get in mind what to cook for dinner before you start feeling hunger pains. Some veterans even plan days(!) beforehand. This runs contrary to every bachelor's mindset, especially mine, so I'd like some pointers from More bacon than the pan can handle's readers.

Probably the biggest obstacle is my own low standard. When thinking of food, the immediate utilitarian purpose is to erase the pangs. This can be met as easily with cardboard as with gourmet lasagna, but one has the advantage of being quicker. While I do enjoy taste, I regard it as a fleeting pleasure and not always a driving requirement.

Eating with others is a different story, altogether. I'll gladly make a meal worthy of silverware if someone else is enjoying it with me.

On a slightly related topic, have you ever seen that place called "DreamDinners"? I don't know why, but the name isn't appetizing to me. Dreams I associate with fantasy and clouds and fluff and unreachability. Dinner's got to be real, tangible, substantial, and filling.

A riddle and some news

2010-03-10T15:14:00.002-07:00

Q. What do you call three feet that are crucially important and solemn?

A. A graveyard!

I made that joke up for this post because I'm switching to the shift of the same name. That is, 1 am to 9 am, six days a week for a little over a month. I'm managing calibration data; I did something like this before, but that was when I was part-time. Now I'm enduring eight hours.

I start on Monday and I wondered if anyone would like to help me transition this weekend. I'll be sleeping all morning and afternoon and playing games all night.

Attn: Drivers of Cache Valley

2010-03-01T15:41:00.005-07:00

If you find yourself at a four-way stop wanting to go straight and you see the car across from you wants to turn left, you SHOULD NOT wait for them to turn in front of you. Left-turners must yield to straight-goers. You may think you're being nice, but you are actually...

disrespecting the drivers waiting behind you,
slowing down the whole intersection, and
creating doubt and confusion city-wide as your habit spreads to other drivers.

Here is a snapshot from the Utah Driver Handbook (pg. 13):

It is not only illegal to let the left-turner go first, it is also much less efficient. The correct way has both of you out of the intersection more quickly. Plus, if we all follow the same standard there won't be any need to wonder what that other driver is going to do.

(Pass this along to anyone you know in Cache Valley)

Choose Joy

2010-02-26T10:35:00.002-07:00

In the optimist vs. pessimist debate I'm firmly in the optimist camp, much to the annoyance of my "realist" friends (we're perennially obnoxious to them). They typically bring up the point that a gloomy mood cannot be helped by deciding to be happy. Telling them to 'cheer up' or 'turn that frown upside-down' might do more harm than good by instilling false hope that will ultimately be dashed.

I have the tendency to see the bias in such observations (which side is it that assumes from the get-go that their mood is immutable?). Nevertheless, I've decided that they probably have a point. Without some external stimulus to prod you out of your funk, can you really stir up some kind of joy just by thinking? We've all tried it and noted the artificial taste of manufactured emotion.

Hold on, though. I'm not turning in my Junior Ranger of Optimism badge just yet! I still believe you can choose happiness, just in a different way.

I say you can choose to be happy in the same way you can choose to be a doctor. At some point, you decide that's what you want to be. Then, comes the work. Becoming a doctor requires walking down a certain well-defined path, and it may be years before you get your diploma, but with dedicated effort your decision will result in a fully-realized dream.

So, there's a time-delay and an effort-contingency between the decision and the result. There's also the little matter of accreditation, by which I mean that there are literally millions of different voices in the world outlining a path to happiness. Most are well-meaning and effective to some degree, but some are blind alleys and dead ends like the 'doctor' who got his degree from CGNU online e-niversity. The path I use is the gospel path, which gives astonishingly robust results. Read more about it in Alma 32-33. Also, remember to exercise regularly.

Fortunately, rather than waiting over a span of decades for an MD, we can start feeling the fruits of our joy-hunting in a matter of weeks.

This all may sound obvious, but it's something we typically neglect. How often do we let our emotions govern our decisions rather than the other way around?

We may become truly free agents. Whatever path you choose, get moving on it because I guarantee that following no path at all inevitably leads to misery.

Let's get moving, then! Decide now that you want joy and don't let anything stop you!

George Washington's Birthday

2010-02-23T14:06:00.004-07:00

George Washington was born on both February 11, 1731 and over a year later on February 22, 1732. The reason for the discrepancy was the dramatic change from Julian calendar to Gregorian calendar later in his life.

It wasn't really over a year's worth of correction, though, because Britain (and her colonies, including America) used March 25th as the first day of the new year. In the Julian system Washington was born in the month before the new year, in the Gregorian he was born a month after the new year.

They made the switch in 1752. Here's how it went down:

1582 - Pope Gregory XIII declared the Julian calendar would be replaced by the Gregorian. The reason for the change? The Julian calendar had 365.25 days per year (1 leap year every four years). The number of earth rotations in a single earth revolution around the sun is 365.24250, and it took over a thousand years to realize that the seasons were subtly shifting.
All the Catholic countries switched immediately.
1751 - England decided this year would last from March 25th to December 31st -- 282 days.
The first day of 1752 was January 1st.
Easter and Lent and all the other holidays based on the vernal equinox were celebrated as usual.
September 2nd was followed by September 14th. Eleven days were removed* to readjust the equinoxes to the correct time**.

Thus, if you count backwards using the Gregorian calendar to the day that Washington was born you arrive at February 22, 1732, a difference of 11 days and one year from what his birth certificate said.

It turns out that Washington favored the switch and happily adopted the 22nd as his new birthday while many of his contemporaries held on to the old style for theirs. Maybe it made him feel younger.

* To prevent this from happening again we skip three leap days every four hundred years.

** The "correct time" was based on the Council of Nicaea's decision in 325 AD to commemorate the vernal equinox*** each year on March 21st.

*** An equinox occurs when night and day are approximately of equal duration. This happens twice a year when the earth's axis of rotation is perpendicular to the sun's rays.

Computer Reliability

2010-02-22T16:57:00.002-07:00

If you're thinking about buying a new computer, there are a lot of factors to consider. Price, brand, processor speed, RAM, disk space, monitor size, operating system, webcam, speakers, color and sheen (*cough* *Not going to name names* *cough*)...

However you prioritize the list, don't forget reliability. That's how long it will last. Squaretrade recently did a 3-year study of laptop reliability and here are the findings:

Nearly one third of new laptops failed within three years.
Netbooks may be cheap, but they are cheap. They are 20% more likely to fail than a more expensive laptop.
The best brands were ASUS (from China - never heard of them), Toshiba, and Sony.
The worst brands were Acer (mine), Gateway, and HP

Job Search

2010-02-03T17:50:00.002-07:00

I'm in the middle of finding a career. Not a lot of bites yet. While thinking about how to find work, I pondered my previous job searches, "How did I get employed before?" I was drawn back four years to February 1st 2005.

Here is my journal entry:

I got a job this week! I'd been looking, half-hoping one would fall into my lap. Tuesday morning I just decided to find one. So I prayed that I would. Specifically, that I would 'find a job today.'

Prayer is powerful, maybe even stronger than gravity! [I was in a physics class at the time and was impressed by how strong gravity is] I got a call that day from Scott (an employer I called last week about a janitorial job that would be perfect for me!) He said the position had been filled. . .

. . . but he needed a vacuum-operator, "and could you start tonight?" Scott asked in desperation. So I've been working 6-11ish every night since then. It pays $7.50/hr and I just empty trash cans and vacuum all the time. First night was a bit intimidating. I clean a 3-story clinic, but I have some great co-workers.

This job at Kindred Cleaning really was exactly what I needed at that time in my life. The pay was great (for my level of experience and the local economy), the schedule worked out well, and it helped me get out of myself to meet new friends.

I have concluded that prayer is stronger than gravity.

From a man who had every reason to begrudge:

2010-01-27T11:05:00.005-07:00

"Please do not be cynical. I hate cynicism - for the record it's my least favorite quality, it doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen. I'm telling you, amazing things will happen." - Conan O'Brien

Fitness doesn't fit.

2010-01-13T19:33:00.002-07:00

How do people with full-time office jobs get any exercise?

I used to go to the field house on campus after my first class every other day, but as a sedentary cubicler I don't seem to have a) the time, or b) the field house.

When the temperature rises and the disgusting Cache Valley smog dissipates I can run around town in the mornings. What do I do in the mean time?

Open Question: The Physics of the Force

2010-01-12T17:23:00.003-07:00

If Luke could psychically connect with Leia because (spoiler) they're related, how come Vader didn't recognize Leia as his daughter when he blew up Alderaan?

Remember, the Force works just as well for the dark side. It's NOT analogous to the Holy Ghost.

"Honey, does this sun make me look fat?"

2010-01-11T16:42:00.004-07:00

On the surface of the sun I would weigh 4,203 lbs. That's over two tons!

That is, if the sun had a surface...

How to Fix Computer Problems

2009-12-16T11:50:00.005-07:00

I was catching up on XKCD.com this morning at my parents' house when I came across this comic:

I thought it might be helpful to my parents if they had a copy, so I tried to print it from my laptop, but I couldn't connect to their printer on the wireless network...

All Hallow's Eve

2009-11-08T15:35:00.004-07:00

Here is a series of pictures I took while wearing my green plastic army man Halloween costume.

In order to show off our costumes, we threw a Butterknife Estates Halloween party. Our friends, Cleopatra and Michael Jackson fan, brought their karaoke machine.

Bret starred as Dr. Horrible
Jared went as the Phantom of the Opera.
Harrison was this creep.

This is what midterms can do to a man.

2009-10-31T12:23:00.003-06:00

The scourge of mouth ulcers rages on. For context, let's just review what a typical canker sore looks like:
For three or four weeks I've been plagued with a cough and a runny nose. Then, I developed what I thought was a sore throat. With all the hype surrounding H1N1, I was relieved to discover it was merely a (non-contagious) canker sore...on my uvula.

I'm not convinced I should be relieved. This is the painful.

Sonic Booms: in plain English

2009-10-23T18:54:00.002-06:00

Kendra asked me once how sonic booms work. I had to admit that I didn't know. But I have an insatiable thirst for knowledge, so I decided to find out! Here's an email I sent to her:

Dear Kendra,

I've done some research and it seems that in order to understand sonic booms, one must first understand shockwaves. Shockwaves are aptly named because they come at you by surprise. If you had a medium, say air or water, and something in it were traveling toward you like a bee or a shark, you would be able to tell because of the motion of the waves as well as the sounds that these produce. This gives you and the particles of water or air that sit next to you a little warning to get out of the way.

Not to say that molecules are sentient...more like it starts jostling them gradually and they build up energy to move out of the way.

But imagine if the bee flew fast. As fast or faster than those waves it's producing. The molecules wouldn't see it coming! It would be quite a shock for them when they have to suddenly get out of the way with no warning. You've seen waves...they go up and down, up and down, nice and smooth-like. But shockwaves are like a sudden step up in pressure, density, or velocity, etc. with no graduality.

What do you and your molecule friends do now? You've just hit a wall. You scream. You make noise. You start panicking. This causes a panic among all the other particles that have already hit the wall. Pretty much all the molecules that have already smacked up against it run around frantically.

Okay, so there is no wall and molecules can't scream and even if they could you wouldn't hear them. The stepped-up wave that the bee is causing just gave them a whole bunch of energy. They can spend that energy however they want, and a cheap way to get rid of it is to pass it along behind them to cause audible sound waves.

As long as the bee is traveling as fast or faster than those waves it's producing in the air it is producing a shockwave. You generally only hear one boom from a jet (or two booms; one from the nose, one from the tail) because it passed you. But if you could somehow keep up with it (just below and behind it) you might just hear it continuously...'course, you'd be making a shockwave of your own if that were the case and things might get complicated.

Shockwaves can come from many things: supersonic jets, detonations, Japanese bullet trains in tunnels, and even whips. The proper crack of a good whip is a miniature sonic boom; the tail of the whip actually travels faster than the local speed of sound.

For more information, try this site

Or just search for shockwaves or sonic booms on Wikipedia.org

Love,
Thad.

What's your favorite cologne?

2009-10-14T09:12:00.005-06:00

What's your favorite cologne?

I'm not asking because I've suddenly developed an interest in fragrance. Quite the opposite. I'm coming down to the last few drops of the bottle of Old Spice aftershave that I was given as a twelve-year-old at an extended Gillespie family Christmas party. Since I'll be buying a new scent anyway, I thought I'd find out what's good, especially if this one lasts as long as the first.

Gentlemen, what do you use?
Ladies, what flavors do you like to smell on your paramour?

Joke of the Day

2009-10-04T22:48:00.003-06:00

I used to be the director of BYC meetings back in my youth. At age 17 I was in charge, even outranking the adults in the meeting (sort of). One of my abuses of power included my own version of the meeting agenda which included a "joke of the day." (A real rebel, I know).

I treated it as a serious and important part of each meeting, even assigning people to bring next meeting's joke. One particular week I assigned Rebecca Wilson to the joke and she accepted.

When the next meeting began, a month later, I asked to be reminded who had been assigned joke of the day. She responded that she had, and as she opened a piece of paper she read,

"Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana."

First, I had never heard this and I loved it. So clever. So elegant.

Second, I think she was the only person ever to remember and follow through with her commitment. This was an assignment above all others of such a trivial nature that it was very easy for most of us to wing it. We would be caught on the spot and try to think about some tired joke that most everyone knew.

But, kudos to Rebecca, who put some thought into her task and pulled through with quality. Her response, in microcosm, is the kind of thing most every leader hopes his followers will provide. I'd go as far as to say she magnified her calling that day.

Projectoritis Season Is Back Again

2009-09-22T20:04:00.002-06:00

Many years ago, a friend brought a big blue jug to Butterknife Estates with a paper attached to the side. It had a sad picture of me and a call for donations to cure my malady: projectoritis. The donations helped and for months my disease had been in remission. Until now.
In April, the lamp in my projector went sour. So I bought a new one. I found a compatible model online and installed it. Little did I know, this lamp was generic. And should a generic lamp ever so much as breathe the same air as my projector, the warranty would be void.

One expects some cataclysmic sign from a warranty sucked into the void, but I received none until much later.

The first intimation came when my symptoms began to return: slow power-on, or none at all, unless I unplugged and restarted. I knew I needed to send it in to EIKI before my (now imaginary) warranty expired. I put it off, because I could get it to work, it just didn't work as it was designed. Weeks went by. Finally, I bit my lip and shipped it in under the assumption that I wouldn't need to pay anything more than shipping. After all, even if my warranty was expired I could just refuse service and have them ship it back, right? RIGHT!?

Well, when I told the technician it was a generic lamp, that was it. He revoked my warranty retroactively on the spot. In a subsequent email I was informed that a "$75.00 non-refundable fee applies to all non-warranty lamp replacement estimates that are declined. Ex: If a unit is sent in as a "warranty repair" but is determined to be "non-warranty" upon inspection, the $75.00 fee will apply if the estimate is declined." So, now they were going to charge me $75 if I asked them to do nothing! Plus a mandatory $30 for return shipping. A new lamp would cost $380 on top of this.

I felt bilked.

Since $105 was already a sunk cost, I opted to throw in the extra money for a new lamp, but not without making a little noise. Here is the letter I included with my credit card payment:

Cheryl,

I faxed in my order form for a new lamp a couple of days ago. I hope that my projector is on its way back soon. Please keep me advised on status updates.

I have a few complaints to register:

My original projector lamp expired after only 50% of its life expectancy. If a product's reliability is much lower than advertised, it makes me question the trustworthiness of the company.
I tried to locate a new lamp for sale on EIKI.com only to learn that the company website does not sell parts for its warranty products. I was directed by customer service to look elsewhere for it.
I located a lamp for a reasonable price from another supplier. It was advertised as a "compatible model", but I didn't bat an eye at that, because I was unaware that installing a generic brand lamp would void my warranty. This could have been pointed out when I sent you an email requesting an estimate for a new lamp.
I sent it to EIKI for further investigation under the express understanding that my warranty was intact. When it was discovered that a generic lamp had been installed, my projector lost its warranty and a mandatory fee of $75 plus $30 for shipping was demanded. That's a $105 extortion fee. Had I known my warranty was void, I would not have sent it in at all. Clearer communication on this legal loophole beforehand would have preserved my respect for your company.
I have placed an order for a new lamp through your company's sales department, even though I now have deep-seated resentment and suspicion of EIKI's policies. This will likely be my last transaction with you, and the beginning of word-of-mouth warnings for my friends, family, and employers, unless I have reason to believe something has changed.

Yours,
Thad Gillespie

In conclusion, don't bother with the EIKI brand. The products fail, the customer service agents withhold information, and the policies are used to cheat customers.

#Bretsays

2009-09-10T13:02:00.003-06:00

Thad: "Bret, Curtis has an article ready for publishing. It's been reviewed, even."
Bret: "good."

[Bret looks over the article to be published at whatdomormonsbelieve.com]

Bret: "Curtis put a weird picture in there."
Thad: "Oh?"
Bret: "He did it in paint. And he's no guru."

To keep up with more of Bret's words, follow me on twitter: mrmcplad
To see the picture, visit our gospely website on Monday the 14th (when it shall be published).

Sunday Morning Conversation with Bret

2009-08-30T10:58:00.003-06:00

Bret: "Harrison is awake and sitting up in bed."

Me: "What?"

Bret: "I know! It's only 11:00 and he's already awake! I'm going to go throw a gourd at his head to get him out of bed."

[Bret runs downstairs holding a big green gourd over his head.]

...

[Bret runs back upstairs with the gourd.]

Bret: "Harrison is already out of bed!"

Me: "Huh? How did that happen?"

Bret: "Me running up and down the stairs, bumping into things, yelling at him about the onslaught of World War IV..."

My Life as a Student

2009-08-26T16:48:00.003-06:00

School started. Again.

I've been going to public school almost continuously since September 1989. This semester marks my last. The only discontinuities were the semesters I skipped by teaching the gospel in the wilds of Wisconsin for two years. Well, and summer vacations.

I still remember my first day in Kindergarten. I was in the afternoon class with Mrs. Harris. On the way through the playground before school started I tripped and caught myself with my hands on the asphalt. My palms stung. The black rocks and dirt contrasted with the red blood. It wasn't too bad, and somebody helped me get washed up. But it stung.

Over the years I only took one single summer class. Driver's Education, taught by Coach Gillespie, my uncle. Before I enrolled I was terrified of learning the stick-shift. It always seemed so incomprehensibly complicated from the passenger seat. It required finesse and timing. I feared damaging the vehicle, but even worse, my anxiety accelerated with the thought of stalling in a busy intersection and looking like a moron. Luckily, the driving range only had automatic transmissions. (I did eventually teach myself stick shift. Now I think it's fun.)

As this semester begins, I oscillate between two thoughts:

Almost done. Soon to be a Master of mechanical engineering, and done with school forever. Well done.
WHAT ARE THEY THINKING?! I don't know anything! I got through these classes because I learned how to be a student, not because I learned how to engineer.

Now that I've finally figured out school, they're kicking me out. Gotta learn a whole new system. It'll probably sting, and I risk looking like a complete moron. Oh well. The only way out is through. Bully!

"This must be the part where I reveal my sinister plot."

2009-08-20T14:20:00.002-06:00

I've been in three different singles' wards without moving house once. After my first week attending the 65th ward (the fightin' 65ths!) last Sunday, the bishopric has already extended a calling.

Activities Committee Co-chair

I shall strive to be the best darn chair-person for activities there ever was! Or at least, adequate. For this, I need ideas from you!

What are the activities you remember best from your days in a singles' ward? I'll even accept mutual activities, family outings, and high school field trips, as long as they conjure up pleasant feelings of nostalgia. Add to my list:

Cocktail/costume party
Homemade gift exchange
Writing one's name on the moon with a laser
Crushing bumbling blue arachnids like insects
...

Something I like...

2009-08-19T09:30:00.002-06:00

I like it when I look at my car's clock-radio and the time is the same as the station.

This happened today when I looked at my clock as I pulled in to work just as the Diane Rehm Show was beginning on NPR. Can you guess what time it was?

Here's a Tip!

2009-08-03T15:34:00.003-06:00

1. To make your speech and writing less negative, consider replacing "but" with "and" in your sentences, but make sure it's appropriate for the context.

2. To make your speech and writing less negative, consider replacing "but" with "and" in your sentences, and make sure it's appropriate for the context.

The "but" in sentence #1 automatically throws the first clause into question. The "and" in sentence #2 builds on the idea of the first clause without changing the meaning. Subtle things like this actually impact a person's perception of you.

In my experience people like dealing with builders more than doubters.

Planning isn't everything

2009-07-30T11:06:00.002-06:00

Preparation and planning have always been my mantra. "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail."

But I've recently come to see that planning ahead is not the whole picture to acheiving goals.

Steer.

This means course-correction while the plan is being carried out. When unexpected delays or obstacles arrive, you have to be flexible enough to change your plans. On the fly. Sometimes using nothing but intuition, when you don't have time or resources to study the facts.

Another Quick Russian Joke

2009-07-23T12:25:00.005-06:00

"Comrade Stalin, do you collect anything?"

"Yes, I collect jokes about myself."

"How many do you have?"

"Enough to fill three prison camps."

In Mother Russia...

2009-07-23T11:36:00.003-06:00

You know how in Mother Russia things you would normally do to a direct object, the direct object tends to do to YOU!?

(For example: "In Mother Russia, Waldo finds you!")

It came from these jokes by Yakov Smirnoff:

"In Los Angeles, you can always find a party. In Soviet Russia, the Party can always find you!"
"In America, you can watch television. In Soviet Russia, television watches you!"

These make more sense. I finally get it.

Got Motivation?

2009-07-22T14:00:00.007-06:00

Want to lose weight, quit smoking, or exercise regularly? Do you have bad habits you desperately want to shed? Good habits and skills you'd like to adopt?

Introducing a new website: stickK.com

You put in a commitment.
You provide a specific time frame.
You ask a friend to referee.
You put your money on the line.

There are several options for your money. The most motivating (to me) is what they call an anti-charity. You pick the group that you can't stomach from the list below:

Abortion: Americans United for Life
Abortion: NARAL Pro-Choice America Foundation
Environment: Nature Conservancy
Environment: The National Center for Public Policy Research
Gay Marriage: Freedom to Marry
Gay Marriage: Institute for Marriage and Public Policy
Gun Control: Educational Fund to Stop Gun Violence
Gun Control: NRA Foundation
Political: George W. Bush Presidential Library
Political: William Jefferson Clinton Presidential Library

If you fail to acheive your goal, your credit card donates a sum to the cause you hate most. If you don't think that will motivate you, try doubling the amount you initially laid down.

If you succeed, you keep that money. Consider it your reward. Well, that and knowing you are a better you.

Calculus in a Nutshell: Part 2

2009-07-14T12:50:00.001-06:00

Oulipo

2009-07-07T12:08:00.003-06:00

Today I did study Oulipo. It's all about writing constraints. Playing No Fifth Symbol is this kind of thing.

N+7 is switching all nouns in a paragraph with a substitution word 7 nouns down in Oxford's Dictionary. This is what brought so much mirth to my mind: (J. Smith's Compositions of Faith 6-7,12-13)

6 We believe in the same orifice that existed in the Primitive Chutney, namely, appearances, propositions, pates, teapots, evergreens, and so forth.
7 We believe in the gimlet of toots, proposer, reverie, vitamins, healing, interrupt of toots, and so forth.

...

12 We believe in being subscriber to kips, presumptions, rumours, and magpies, in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the layer.
13 We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all mandibles; indeed, we may say that we follow the adultery of Paul—We believe all thistles, we hornet all thistles, we have endured many thistles, and hornet to be able to endure all thistles. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good reprieve or praiseworthy, we seek after these thistles.

I know 13 is iffy. Original nouns can also act as action words. Analysis by automatic computing is fraught with falsity, but is still fun. You can try your hand at this, too. Just click on this link.

Impossible, you say?!

2009-07-02T15:06:00.003-06:00

I had some free time at work today, so I practiced my solid modeling skills. I think I'm getting good, even making impossible objects. Take a look:

This is what they call a "Penrose Triangle." It is a triangle that has the luxury of having all of its angles equal 90 degrees. (Most triangles' internal angles add up to just 180 degrees, so this is a rare treat, like a seven-leaf clover).

Here is a side view. Unfortunately, when viewed from any other angle than the one above, it ceases to be a triangle, although all of the angles are 90 degrees. (I measured.)

And this just goes to show some kind of life lesson about looks being deceiving and living in another man's shoes for a day, and that grass is always greener, etc. etc.

I don't know why an underline appeared. Blogger doesn't even have that button. Maybe it's the default setting for moralizing.

The Inimitable Wisdom of James Allen

2009-06-29T12:58:00.002-06:00

The following excerpts come from the essay entitled As a Man Thinketh by James Allen. The concepts he teaches forever altered my way of thinking. I encourage you to read the entire essay.

Men do not attract that which they want, but that which they are. Not what he wishes and prays for does a man get, but what he justly earns. His wishes and prayers are only gratified and answered when they harmonize with his thoughts and actions.

In the light of this truth, what, then, is the meaning of "fighting against circumstances?" It means that a man is continually revolting against an effect without, while all the time he is nourishing and preserving its cause in his heart. That cause may take the form of a conscious vice or an unconscious weakness; but whatever it is, it stubbornly retards the efforts of its possessor, and thus calls aloud for remedy.

Men are anxious to improve their circumstances, but are unwilling to improve themselves; they therefore remain bound. The man who does not shrink from self-crucifixion can never fail to accomplish the object upon which his heart is set. This is as true of earthly as of heavenly things. Even the man whose sole object is to acquire wealth must be prepared to make great personal sacrifices before he can accomplish his object; and how much more so he who would realize a strong and well-poised life?

It is pleasing to human vanity to believe that one suffers because of one's virtue; but not until a man has extirpated every sickly, bitter, and impure thought from his mind, and washed every sinful stain from his soul, can he be in a position to know and declare that his sufferings are the result of his good, and not of his bad qualities;

A man only begins to be a man when he ceases to whine and revile, and commences to search for the hidden justice which regulates his life. And as he adapts his mind to that regulating factor, he ceases to accuse others as the cause of his condition, and builds himself up in strong and noble thoughts; ceases to kick against circumstances, but begins to use them as aids to his more rapid progress, and as a means of discovering the hidden powers and possibilities within himself.

Achievement, of whatever kind, is the crown of effort, the diadem of thought. By the aid of self-control, resolution, purity, righteousness, and well-directed thought a man ascends; by the aid of animality, indolence, impurity, corruption, and confusion of thought a man descends.

A man may rise to high success in the world, and even to lofty altitudes in the spiritual realm, and again descend into weakness and wretchedness by allowing arrogant, selfish, and corrupt thoughts to take possession of him.

Victories attained by right thought can only be maintained by watchfulness. Many give way when success is assured, and rapidly fall back into failure.

All achievements, whether in the business, intellectual, or spiritual world, are the result of definitely directed thought, are governed by the same law and are of the same method; the only difference lies in the object of attainment.

He who would accomplish little must sacrifice little; he who would achieve much must sacrifice much; he who would attain highly must sacrifice greatly.

Whate'er Thou Art Act Well Thy Part

2009-06-26T15:38:00.002-06:00

The time I've bought to put off deciding my future is quickly evaporating.

I am a Mechanical Engineering graduate student and my hooding approacheth in December. With sheepskin in hand I will venture into the wilds of...manufacturing? machine design? thermal simulation?

My plan was to begin looking for jobs starting about now, use various competing offers as leverage, and sign up with the best fit. Still a good plan, but where do I look?

I'm not just talking geography (but that is a major consideration), I'm also referring to fields of expertise.

I was recently asked by my supervisor Dean if I would consider staying put and signing on as a Calibration Engineer after graduation. Calibration is sort of what I've chafed under for the last year and a half (very cerebral and abstract, hard to talk about over dinner). But it's a highly specialized field and would look good on a resume.

Today I was told by my project supervisor Deon he would recommend me if

I wanted to join a spacecraft controls-type team a colleague was forming, making me sort of a Rocket Scientist (of course, engineers don't actually do Science, but rocket scientist sounds impressive -- say it out loud).

Of course, I want to look outside of my current establishment and outside of Cache Valley, too. My LinkedIn profile is available for employers. How do I make them salivate?

Clean Room

2009-06-23T10:26:00.003-06:00

I work in a clean room.

I put on booties.

I wear a gown, a hairnet, and a face mask. These are all white.

I pull on rubber gloves.

I button my sleeves.

This is preparation.

There are two doors into the clean room.

One door is the human entrance.

The other is the human exit and the equipment door.

I open the human entrance door and step inside.

It is a tiny room with nozzles on the walls and ceiling.

They blow dust off of me.

I can only enter the clean room if I am clean.

If I repent.

I open the next door and enter the clean room.

Large equipment doesn't fit in the tiny room.

It must be carefully wiped down with alcohol,

and pushed through the human exit.

It takes no preparation or cleaning to exit.

Just walk out.

Inside the clean room people dress the same.

Everything is clean.

Averting contamination.

FAIR Conference

2009-06-19T09:28:00.005-06:00

Over the last several months I have been glued to the fairldsorg channel on YouTube. It's a collection of scholarly presentations relating to defense of the gospel. I've learned a lot about Mormonism and the more I learn the more confident I am that it's right.

It has so peaked my interest that I plan on attending this year's FAIR (Foundation for Apologetic Information & Research) Conference. It will be August 6-7 (Thursday and Friday) all day (8am to 6pm) in Sandy {shudder}. The cost is $20 for students (per day), or $25 for everyone else. If you are interested in the subject, I would welcome a conference companion or two.

If not, at least watch a few of the videos from past years. Here are my recommendations:

Tangible Restoration: The Witnesses and What They Experienced (5 parts)

Book of Mormon and Parallels to Mesoamerica (4 parts)

The Fallacy of Fundamentalist Assumptions (6 parts)

To move to the next part, click the link just below the video that says "This is a video response to..." It looks like this:

Drive-thru Folk-Ordering

2009-06-11T09:23:00.000-06:00

The Grand Hotel Paradox

2009-06-09T15:18:00.002-06:00

Consider a hypothetical hotel with infinitely many rooms, all of which are occupied - that is to say every room contains a guest. Suppose a new guest arrives and wishes to be accommodated in the hotel.

If the hotel had only finitely many rooms, then it can be clearly seen that the request could not be fulfilled, but because the hotel has infinitely many rooms then if you move the guest occupying room 1 to room 2, the guest occupying room 2 to room 3 and so on, you can fit the newcomer into room 1.

By extension it is possible to make room for a countably infinite number of new clients: just move the person occupying room 1 to room 2, the guest occupying room 2 to room 4, and in general room N to room 2*N, and all the odd-numbered rooms (a countably infinite number of rooms) will be free for the new guests.

New Office!

2009-05-26T18:04:00.003-06:00

I've been working for my company for nearly two years and I'm finally moving up. I've just moved offices. Here is my new desk:
It's definitely an improvement. Now I have a window!
Of course, the window opens up into the next room: an equipment-filled clean room.

But you know, Rome wasn't built in a day and President Obama started his career at Baskin Robbins. Who can tell where I'll end up?

Wolfram! Alpha!

2009-05-18T12:22:00.004-06:00

The most interesting website! It will do all your math problems for you (including calculus), but that's not all! It handles everything in natural language and for a variety of topics, and it includes visualizations!

You can even type in "hamburger" and it will give you the nutrition facts for a typical hamburger with statistical deviations.

It started with trying to find out when I would turn 10,000 days old (Sunday, January 23, 2011). Give it a gander! Watch this video to see the broad scope of it's capabilities.

Vergammelte Speisen

2009-05-15T19:10:00.001-06:00

Try Yelling.

2009-05-08T11:25:00.005-06:00

Have you ever noticed that the farther away someone is from you, the more difficult it is to communicate with them?

If this were the 1920s you would say, "Duh!" But we have e-mail, instant messaging, cellular telephones, texting, blogging, Facebook, Twitter, etc. This was supposed to level the playing field and allow you to communicate evenly with your neighbors and your relatives in Poughkeepsie.

It is easier, but I still find myself contacting people in my vicinity more than those distant. Why?

I have business with people around me. Appointments. Meetings. Parties. I make more contact with people I see face-to-face.
I know what they are doing. I try not to call when it might interrupt things like sleep or work or dental appointments. I know better the schedules of people I see regularly.
Formality. To call someone I rarely see requires me, out of politeness, to inquire at length of their welfare, and to respond symmetrically to their inquiries. It's often a burden I'm glad to ignore, unless I have good reason.
Out-of-sight, out-of-mind. I'm not implying I forget people when they disappear. No, my neurotic mind assumes they won't remember me. Why contact someone who has probably moved on, while I am fixated on reliving a distant memory?

Does this hold true for you? Are there other reasons you would add? Does this phenomenon explain same-room-texting?

Calculus in a Nutshell

2009-04-30T14:30:00.009-06:00

I'm here today to inform you of calculus.

If your gut reaction to that statement is panic and/or loathing, breathe easy. I'm not assigning homework or giving quizzes. Calculus is a useful tool, and it might help you some day.

Let's start with addition: in the equation, 5 + 6 = 11, the plus sign (+) is known as an "operator." It operates on the numbers 5 and 6. There are all kinds of operators, but they don't always operate just on numbers. Some operate on functions.

Now, let's talk about functions. Functions are just strings of numbers connected to other numbers. For example, on a long road trip from San Antonio to Provo, your distance traveled from San Antonio is a function of your time on the road. Let's say your average driving speed is 70 mph. You could represent your distance Y (in miles) as 70 times the time X (in hours).

Y = 70 * X

Y and X are variables, meaning they are numbers but their values can change. The amount that Y changes depends on how much X changes according to the relationship above. (Of course this relationship is overly-simplistic, but you get the idea).

Now calculus: Isaac Newton invented (discovered?) calculus operators that operate on whole functions instead of numbers. There are two main operators: the differential and the integrand.

The differential operator looks like this:

When you use it on a function it's called "taking the derivative", and you get another function out.

It allowed Isaac to look at the slope of a function at any point. In the distance vs. time function, the slope is easy, because it's constant (70 mph). But in a realistic scenario (see graph, below), you aren't driving constantly at 70 mph. The slope (which represents speed) changes as you go along. Your speedometer doesn't give you an average speed, it gives you your speed right now. Same idea with derivatives.

The integrand operator looks like a long, formidable S:

It's also the opposite of a differential operator; sort of the minus to the plus. So, if you were given the function of speed vs. time, you could extract the original distance vs. time function. Graphically, it let's you calculate the cumulative area beneath the speed curve, or in other words, the total distance traveled as a function of time.

It doesn't just give you the total distance between San Antonio and Provo (that's a number, not a function). It gives you the total distance traveled right now. At any point in your trip you could calculate the distance traveled up to that point.

That's it. That is calculus in a nutshell. Of course, there's the sticky matter of learning how to take derivatives and integrals, but I just wanted to relate the what. The rest is just details.

My Quarterly Fix

2009-04-14T13:53:00.004-06:00

I woke up this morning and sat on my bed ready to read my scriptures. Then I noticed I couldn't read. Isn't that the worst?

I was just coming down with a migraine, which begins with distorted vision (but no pain). I took a couple Ibuprofen and Bret to school*, picked up 32 ounces of Mountain Dew, and went back home. The pain began, but it was quelled with caffeine.

People think I don't drink caffeinated soda because I'm some uppity Mormon. I may be uppity, but I keep my distance from the dark brew mainly to preserve this silver bullet against migraines. If I were a regular drinker, my body would not recognize the elixir as the salve it has been.

In fact, I've heard that caffeine addicts tend to receive migraines more regularly whenever they sober up.

It's also a testimony to me that the Word of Wisdom is inspired. Even though caffeinated soda has proven to be addictive, it was never explicitly forbidden by the Lord, perhaps for reasons such as this. Just like how tobacco can still be used for bruises and all sick cattle.

After contemplating these things, I took a nap (I don't know how I can nap after drinking so much Mountain Dew, but I never have problems). When I awoke about an hour later, I noticed three things:

I needed to visit the restroom.
My stomach was downright hostile with hunger.
My hands wouldn't stop vibrating.

But my head didn't hurt too bad, as long as I didn't shake it too vigorously. It's worth it.

*Is that sentence an acceptable parallel structure?

by a vote of 2,415 to 2,158

2009-03-24T22:31:00.007-06:00

Dear Sirs,

I request that you deny the student athletic fee increase at Utah State University on the basis of an unfairly biased election process.

Read this and tell me it's not biased. This is what appeared on the ballot.

New Fee for Intercollegiate Athletics Program

This $65 student fee increase allows students to: Assist in securing Aggie Athletics membership in the WAC and NCAA division 1A now and into the future. Continued free admission to Men’s basketball games. Students are guaranteed 39% of the Men’s basketball seating in the Spectrum. Assist in stabilizing the annual budget, sustaining successful sports programs and improving others. Continued free admission to Football games. Students are guaranteed 25% of the football seats in Romney Stadium. Continued free admission to all other intercollegiate sporting events. (These percentages are among the highest in the nation and your benefit is valued at between $730 -$1,520 per year). Continued opportunities to purchase married student discounts for spouse. Enrich the quality of student life by maintaining successful athletics at USU. I agree with this proposed student fees increase of $65 per semester.

The university took an active role in promoting this fee increase.

HURD and ASUSU members, as well as student athletes, were told to campaign for it.
The university website encouraged students to “Vote for the New Student Fee for Intercollegiate Athletics Program.”
The referendum was held a week after regular student elections, so fewer votes would be cast and stacking the ballot box would be easier.
Nearly all grassroots posters and fliers urging students to "vote no" were systematically removed and thrown in the trash.

This doesn't just upset me because of the $65 fee increase. It makes me question the integrity of the institution to which I belong. Even if you were for the fee increase, these revelations should give you pause. If it is now Utah State University policy to strong-arm the democratic process, rather than remaining appropriately neutral, what can we expect from future elections? And what suspicious deeds have they already done? Who oversaw the vote counting and reporting? These are questions I never expected I'd have to ask of this institution of higher learning.

Thank you,

Thad Gillespie
Graduate Student,
Mechanical Engineering

============================================
I just sent this letter to the Board of Regents, who will decide on Thursday or Friday whether to approve the fee increase. If you would like to send such a letter yourself, and you live in Cache Valley, email Teresa Theurer. If you live elsewhere in the state, check this site for contact procedures.

Lift Where You Stand

2009-03-21T19:51:00.002-06:00

I'm preparing and elders quorum lesson for tomorrow. It's focused on the talk given last conference by Elder Uchtdorf. I think it's a great talk, but it's led to some controversy in my house. Let me quote the passage to you below. Read it and imagine the scenario as vividly in your mind as you can, then I will ask you questions about what came to mind.

Some years ago in our meetinghouse in Darmstadt, Germany, a group of brethren was asked to move a grand piano from the chapel to the adjoining cultural hall, where it was needed for a musical event. None were professional movers, and the task of getting that gravity-friendly instrument through the chapel and into the cultural hall seemed nearly impossible. Everybody knew that this task required not only physical strength but also careful coordination. There were plenty of ideas, but not one could keep the piano balanced correctly. They repositioned the brethren by strength, height, and age over and over again—nothing worked.

As they stood around the piano, uncertain of what to do next, a good friend of mine, Brother Hanno Luschin, spoke up. He said, “Brethren, stand close together and lift where you stand.”

It seemed too simple. Nevertheless, each lifted where he stood, and the piano rose from the ground and moved into the cultural hall as if on its own power. That was the answer to the challenge. They merely needed to stand close together and lift where they stood.

Okay, now please tell me: how did they move the piano?

My initial thoughts emphasize "standing." In other words, the brethren held their ground, stood where they were and lifted the piano hand-over-hand to get it into the gym. This would make it easier to get it through a tight door, since nobody would have to walk through the doorjamb.

Bret maintains that the emphasis is on "close-together." He reasons that the issue was not spatial constraints, but strength density. The brethren stood close together to allow more of them to contribute, and they all walked into the cultural hall.

Please respond with your analysis, so I can include it in my lesson.

My Band's Latest Album

2009-03-20T16:12:00.005-06:00

My band Harmaline just released a new album called "more important than the facts" and I wanted to give you a chance to see the cover art (designed by yours truly!), so you could buy a copy when you see it on iTunes.

Actually, some of that is a lie. I'm not actually in a band, and it isn't called Harmaline, but the album's title is right, and I did make the CD art.

I just followed the directions on Vshlfy's blog:

Follow the instructions below to make the album cover of your new band.

1. Go to Wikipedia. Click “random”or click here. The first random Wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.

2. Go to Quotations Page and select "random quotations" or click here. The last four or five words of the very last quote on the page is the title of your first album. If you get the same quotation as me, click the "new random quotations" button at the bottom of the screen.

3. Go to Flickr and click on “explore the last seven days”or click here. The third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4. Use Photoshop or similar to put it all together and post it. (I used mspaint!)

Multiple Kill Vehicle

2009-03-11T19:25:00.001-06:00

This is what I've been working on at my job. Don't worry, this video is unclassified.

I can hear it -- I am exactly 25

2009-02-26T13:00:00.003-07:00

Clicking the link below will produce a tone that is generally only heard by people under the age of 25. It has been used as a deterrent device to keep teenagers from loitering in malls and shops, and sounds similar to a buzzing mosquito. Typically the longer you listen to it, the more annoying it gets.

http://trainhorns.net/sound/sound.mp3

Can you hear it? I'd like to see if the cutoff is around 25 like it claims. Please comment whether you can hear it and whether you are older than, younger than, or exactly 25.

Engineering Week: 1, Thad: 0

2009-02-25T11:18:00.002-07:00

Dethroned!

I took third place in the Calculator Quick-Draw. I like to think I abdicated, though.

In the faculty competition, we tied, officially. But that had more to do with the kindness of the teachers. They rocketed far ahead of us early in the game and stayed there until Final Jeopardy! Their bid was carefully crafted to equal double our score if they lost. They answered wrong, we answered right. We tied out of generosity.

But I'm fairly sure they didn't just throw the last question. See if you can get it:

A. Davis Strait, named for a Northwest Passage seeker, separates these two islands that total over one million square miles.

Finally! Something to Report!

2009-02-18T17:11:00.007-07:00

I won the Beta Bowl this afternoon. And no, that isn't some kind of Greek cereal dish or an aquarium. It's a team Jeopardy!-like competition held once a year during Engineering week at USU. I went to watch, but when a new round came there was a team that needed a third member, so I signed right up. Jessica and Daniel were my teammates. Both electrical engineering students.
We were the last of eight teams to sign up, and they really hadn't planned on another round, but since there were two teams to compete they pushed us through.

They had rigged up a buzzer system that looked like it was an electrical engineer's senior design project. Nine hand-held buzzers connected by curly phone wire to a box with LEDs and a shot clock.

Categories included options like Jelly Belly Flavors, Economics, 12-Letter Words, and Let's Get Bizet! Although a few of the categories did seem to skew to nerd-dom (J.R.R. Tolkein, and War of the Worlds, which was all about science-fiction films), it was more than balanced by categories relating to opera and fine literature.

Single Jeopardy! looked gloomy against our first opponents (one team of three). We ended the round about $2000 behind. But Double Jeopardy! was very kind to us; we selected, and correctly answered both Daily Doubles. That put us well ahead. By the time Final Jeopardy came, we had a formidable lead. They bid it all to put them at $9600 with the correct response: "What is Tundra?" Our correct response put us at $9601.

Our team, "α-Dawgs," went on to the finals, this time challenged by two teams that had already won matches. I was nervous. The other teams contained strong players I knew from some of my classes, but I soon found my worries tamed. We developed a healthy lead early in Single Jeopardy! and maintainted it throughout, such that once the final Jeopardy! question came, we would have won if we lost and they all won (because we didn't bid stupidly).

First prize won a free hp photo scanner! Second prize was an hp calculator and third prize was $75 cash.

My favorite category was Country Rhyme Time. This is where a country name makes a rhyme with something else, like "Canada tranada" if tranada were a thing. See if you can get these:

1- Dried strips of beef in Ankara
2- A Baghdad paper bag
3- Barcelona or Toledo gray matter
4- A citrus fruit from Sanaa
5- A southwest African shinbone

I answered all but the first two, because I wasn't fast enough.

And, incidentally, we did lose Final Jeopardy! See if you can do better than me:
Category: Children's Literature

"This title character was inspired by a girl who'd had her appendix out in a French hospital run by nuns."

Do bee doo doo do doo bee doo. . . .do bee do bee doo! na na na na na. Do bee do do do doo bee do. NA! na na na na. . .na. . .na. . .boom boom!

P.S. Our team has an exhibition competition tomorrow against a team of three faculty members: Dr. Kripps, Dr. Moon, and some other guy. If you are in the area and would like to view it, it will be at 2:30pm in the TSC's Sunburst Lounge. I will also be defending my two-year-running title of Calculator Quick-draw Champion at high noon.

Thought Experiment #1

2009-02-11T15:53:00.003-07:00

One evening you retire to bed around 11pm as usual, but your sleep is restless and progressively less comfortable. At last you open your eyes to confused new surroundings. You find yourself in a run-down shanty with bright, hot sunlight blazing through the slits in the windows.

You immediately make for the door and head outside, where you find all of your neighbors (the Fergusons, Mr. Sherman, etc.) wandering around, staring confusedly at the sun and the dirty street. Babies are crying. It's hot.

After a few minutes of conversation and detective work, you all accept the fact that you are in Africa, but how you got there is a total mystery. After several hours, you learn that it wasn't just your neighborhood that was transported here, but the entire population of North America. And, there isn't a single native African to be found south of Kenya.

The Africans woke up in American, Canadian, and Mexican beds, equally bewildered.

I'd like to know what you will do from here. Also, how will your people cope with their new surroundings? Compare that to the African people who have found themselves stranded in an industrialized society with very little technological training.

I can write with my eyes shut!

2009-01-17T13:49:00.003-07:00

Typing with my eyes closed. I can't see if I make any mistakes, but I don't care. Actually, I know if I've typed wrong. You can just tell.

My friend Jenette is going to President Obama's inauguration on Tuesday. I think that would be pretty cool. They are predicting the biggest gathering for this inaugruation of all inaugurations fince the beginning of time.

Oh, that reminds oe that you should check out Tally Hall's Internet Show (or THIS for short), if you haven't already. They have some funny sketches, and some bizarre, and only a couple of "inappropriate" ones.

Have you been to Homestarrunner.com lately? Meneither. I wonder what's going on over there. I think the Brothers Chaps have lost some of their gusto. Kindof like me for this blog.

The end.

Soda Bath

2008-11-27T09:58:00.002-07:00

Spread the love! Make this video viral!

Happy Birthday to me!

2008-11-25T01:00:00.000-07:00

Celebrate my 41st birthday tomorrow on November 26, 2008!
At least, that would be my age and my next birthday, if I were born and raised on VENUS!

Shopping with Matt this afternoon...

2008-11-21T17:18:00.003-07:00

T: Ooh, Life. That's good cereal.
(T reaches for box of Cinnamon Life)

M: No! Wait! Stop!

T: What?! What it is?
(T hesitates, confused)

M: Look at that other box. You could pay four extra cents for how much more cereal?

T: Hmm. 21 ounces instead of 15.
(T smiles)
T: M, you're a life saver!

(M rolls his eyes)

Evolutionary Biology

2008-11-06T16:41:00.002-07:00

Did you ever stop to wonder why our nostrils are the perfect size to fit our fingers inside?

After you're done pondering that, consider the convenient shelf that is your ear. Did we have the foresight to design pencils to rest there? Are they such a biologically terrific trait that only those with 'ear-shelves' survived (or the non-earshelf-endowed were deemed undesirable to reproduce with)? Did God create our ears understanding the great utility of having a handy place to put slender writing utensils during a busy day at the office?

And why don't we have built-in pockets?

Ambercrombie and Finch

2008-11-05T17:31:00.002-07:00

Dear Designer Clothing Company,

I regret to inform you that I will not wear your shirts, jeans, hats, and shoes sporting your company logo until I am compensated according to market advertising prices. I am well aware of how much corporations will pay for name-recognition and viral marketing schemes.
Did you really think we'd fall for it? That we would pay handsomely for the "privilege" of promoting your wares to all the other kids at school?

I will gladly display your logo on my clothing as soon as you hire me as an advertiser.

Sincerely,
Thad Gillespie

Pump Palpitations

2008-10-21T16:37:00.005-06:00

I have an urgent problem. I am the weak link in a group project that is due on Thursday. One guy in the group has completed the initial task of figuring out the cheapest, most efficient pipe diameter and calculating cost. The other guy is going to write up the final report. I need to choose a pump for this particular system, and fast!
See those intersecting green lines? They should be intersecting in one of those orange areas, but the head is too small (7.34 ft) for the volume flow rate (1000 gpm). I've gone through the first guy's calculations several times, and everything looks legit. Here are my four possible options:

The problem was poorly defined by the teacher (always option 1 in my book), but everyone else in the class would have complained this morning.
The pump to choose is 4x6-13, but this will result in gross inefficiencies.
We interpreted the data wrong and got a bad value for head (most probable), but I have scoured the calculations and emailed them to the professor for a second opinion (no response).
I should give up engineering and study law instead.

Would you rather...?

2008-10-16T12:48:00.002-06:00

Would you rather live in a world without sunlight or without music?

Font Conference

2008-10-16T12:23:00.002-06:00

Click Full-screen for a better view.

"Børk! Børk! Børk!"

2008-10-15T09:47:00.003-06:00

Yuoor Huruscupe-a - Tumurroo, Ooctuber 16, 2008

Tudey yuoo cuoold be-a in zee muud tu currect oozeer peuple's behefeeur, Cheff. Iff yuoo ere-a sculdeeng yuoor cheeldree, thet's ookey. Vhee yuoo sculd yuoor coourkers, thet's unuzeer stury! Zeey meeght nut be-a su oopee tu yuoor creeticism! Try nut tu let negetife-a theenking coose-a yuoo tu lesh oooot veet temper.

Can Man Live By Bread Alone?

2008-10-12T12:18:00.005-06:00

I've been reading the Straight Dope for years (ever since I found it on America Online -- yeah, the mid 1990s!). Cecil Adams, the world's smartest human, has been on a quest to fight ignorance out of the teeming millions since 1973. One of my favorite articles addresses the age-old question, "Can man live by bread alone?"

Well, it depends. Let's assume you are serious about this: nothing but bread. No water. You're going to need to eat about 6 loaves per day just to get enough moisture to keep you alive. And that's assuming you eat low-sodium bread and don't do anything all day but knit (or you'll need more water).

So if you can get past the dehydration death, the next problem will be scurvy. You need to consume vitamin C, and to quote Cecil, "I am not going to sully this discussion by considering wacky, hypothetical 'breads' like lemon-peel loaf." Unfortunately, one of the early signs of scurvy is loss of appetite, so you'll need to really stuff those 6 loaves down.

"If you don't drink water, and consequently try to shove six loaves down your throat day in and day out--and that means consuming about 8,000 calories a day, four times what a 160-pound man needs when he's moderately active (and you won't be)..." Cecil gives you maybe six months.

'Neophyte' Musician Has Impact

2008-09-26T11:07:00.006-06:00

Last year, my friend Andy had the assignment in creative arts to write how a particular performance had an impact on him. He told me a little about it and asked if I would write it instead. So, rather than pay attention to the lecture in composites that day, I wrote the following:

It proved very difficult to walk away from Ruby Jane Smith's recent performance without having been entertained. Her amazing old-time stylings would stun a baby elephant! I particularly enjoyed her moving piece she played entirely on the spoons! I've been eating cereal with them all my life. Who know I was eating with some of the finest musical instruments?! I've decided to quit, ever since I saw Smith in concert. In fact, I'm swapping my spoons and my bowl for an old saxophone. (If you remove the reed, the saxophone neck works as an impressive straw for my Fruity Pebbles).

In my country, we call music with an annoying twang, depressing lyrics, and sung by rednecks, "country-western." I was pleased to find out that it was called the same thing here. Smith's concert not only entertained me, but it inspired me to become a musical prodigy like her. Only, I don't like country-western, so I'm thinking of doing something more European. Maybe Italian. When I think of Italian, though, music doesn't come to mind--it's food and the mafia; both things which fascinate me. Ruby Jane Smith has inspired me to follow my dream of becoming a pastry-chef by day and a hitman by night.

In conclusion, I don't know what 'neophyte' means. Thus we see that country-western music does nothing to improve vocabulary.

Regards,
Andrew Johnson

For some reason, he didn't turn it in. But in his final draft, he did incorporate elements of my piece. Like the 'stun a baby elephant' bit.

I Thought Equations Had Numbers In Them!

2008-09-19T16:23:00.004-06:00

Fluid dynamics is hard!

Kudos to Claude-Louis Navier and George Gabriel Stokes for deriving a nearly intractable equation relating fluid velocities, pressure gradients, gravity, and shear stresses! For the last three weeks I have sat in class as Dr. Spall listed step after step of mathemagical proof, starting with the laws of conservation of mass, momentum, and energy. The rigamoral they went through! Stress tensors! Divergence theorem! Taylor series expansion! Kronecker delta! It's seriously astounding. And they did it in the 19th century without the aid of computers, calculators, or even whiteboards!

Manitowoc: Home of WWII Submarine and Industrial Crane Manufacturing

2008-09-17T17:34:00.007-06:00

An old friend (we'll call him "Joe") from Two Rivers, Wisconsin recently showed up in my ward. He was a ward missionary in my second area (Manitowoc). Joe helped us out a lot, especially with Spanish contacts. He was serving in Chile until he had to come home for surgery due to a basketball-related injury. Once he'd recovered, and after going on plenty of exchanges with me and Elder Taylor (the first of four Elders Taylor I served with), he was reassigned to Oakland. I think he had surgery there, too.

He moved to Logan 3 weeks ago to attend fire-fighting training. Two weeks ago, a van hit him and his bike; he broke several bones and dislocated others. No word on the condition of his bike. He has since switched to EMT training. It might be better for him to be near an ambulance at all times.

Last night, we invited him to play pool with us. Several current and former Butterknife Estates roommates play pool every Tuesday evening. Even though he had one arm in a sling, he won the first two games of cutthroat handily. It was entertaining to watch the cue wildly waving around, but he was eerily accurate with it.

He had good news for me, too. Having neglected my duties to my old baptizees in Manitowoc, I asked if they were still strong in the ward. Jill is (this I knew), Rick is, Jason is (this I was unsure of), and he was unsure about Matt. He said the stake had split and the ward had split and there were many more converts in the fold, even people he knew from high school. I'd like to think part of the growth was a harvest of the seeds I helped plant there five years ago. [Insert pat-self-on-back emoticon here].
Talking to Joe about Wisconsin has reawakened a long-forgotten misty dream. Since his arrival, mission memories resurface constantly. I'm sure he's sick of my questioning and reminiscing (since it wasn't really his mission), but I just can't get enough.

Bonafide Synesthete!

2008-09-04T13:04:00.008-06:00

I took an online battery.
I am an honest-to-goodness synesthete. It's official. A lot of you snickered, thought I was just making it all up, but this battery gave me a score of 0.67. Below 1.00 is a synesthete, 2.00 is a normal person. Zero is a perfect score.

What this means is I associate letters and numbers with colors. Look at the picture. The battery asked me to identify the color of each letter and numeral three times (in random order). These are the colors I associated after three trials.
You'll notice that the middle zero is green. Green!? That's laughable! No zero was ever green. I clicked too fast when that one came up, so it skewed my score a bit.

You might think that this means that every time I read a blog I'm inundated by a psychedelic color fantasy, but it's really not the case. I associate these letters with colors, but I still see these letters in black, they just give me the 'feeling' of color. And basically the first letter determines the color of the whole word.

My most colorful letters are ABCDEFG. I see this as kind of an alphabet rainbow. I suspect it might stem from my childhood, playing with a xylophone, where notes (letters A-G) were associated with the colors of the rainbow, although that doesn't explain why they aren't in true rainbow order.

Rabbit Rabbit Rabbit!

2008-09-03T12:25:00.002-06:00

On the first day of every month you have the opportunity to steal the luck of your friends and family by saying to them, "Rabbit Rabbit Rabbit" before they say it to you. It's a real thing (i.e. I didn't make it up), although there are many variations and unique rules. My attempts have largely been successful (this is why my life is so grand), but there are a few people so wily they sneak it in on me before I know it.

One day, my brother-in-law (we'll call him "Ben"), fed up with my constant luck-knavery, appealed to his heritage saying, "I'm Jewish and I follow the Jewish calendar, so you can't get me except on the first day of every Jewish month."

I responded that I followed the Gregorian calendar. We agreed that our only recourse was to rabbit one another only on first days of months that corresponded with both calendars.

I planned ahead. The next time these dates were scheduled to collide was September 1st, 2008 (Elul 1st, 5768), about a year and a half hence. I put it in my google calendar and slyly and quietly bided my time. When the time came closer, I entered an alarm into my phone reminding me to, "Rabbit Ben soon." I was poised, ready to strike.

The waiting is the hardest part. At 11:58pm, I sat at my computer, engrossed in some facebook application or a blog or a youtube video. At 12:03am (though I didn't look at the clock until moments later), my thigh vibrated. I looked at my phone. Ben had sent a text. Before I had time to reconsider my actions, I read it and wailed. "Rabbit Rabbit Rabbit," it said.

The luck he stole extends well beyond a month. He took any luck I'd have until August 1st, 2011 (Av 1st, 5771). But Ben, beware. At that time, your luck runs out!

Destroying the English Language Juan Word at a Chime

2008-08-22T12:55:00.004-06:00

I went camping as a scout once. Okay, more than once, but I am only thinking of the one time right now. We were in a little valley and we pitched tents on a slope. It wasn't steep; at least while we were walking around on it, but at night everything and everyone slid to the bottom. I awoke numerous times to Jon cursing the name, "Newton" for inventing troublesome gravity.

During this same trip, Jon also came up with the malapropism (but can you call it a malapropism if it's done on purpose?), knifes to substitute for nice. As in, "We got a knifes warm fire going!" I really like it, because it's so subtle, so I adopted it into my vocabulary.

Since then, me and my roommate Jared and I have come up with several other on-purpose substitute words using real words (we really like messing with English majors): Muffin meaning nothing, as in, "I tried to roll a horse, but I got muffin." And meow instead of now: "Stop talking like that right meow!"

Songs From My Head

2008-08-08T09:30:00.008-06:00

Over the last several days I've been keeping track of what songs replay themselves in my head. I'm not talking about favorite songs, or even annoying songs that I can't get unstuck. The only time I get annoyed is when I only know one small phrase and that's the part that loops.

I typically have one or two songs per day that run most of the day. I'll even start singing or humming them unconsciously.

You're Checkin' In - The Simpsons
This is the one that really got me started on this list. This comes from the episode where Homer needs to pick up his car in NYC and Marge and the kids go see a Broadway show. Why was I singing this? I haven't seen the episode in years!

Marge: You know, when I was a little girl I always dreamed of being in a Broadway audience.

% On the stage, we see a courtroom set. All onstage dialog from this point is sung.

Judge: How do you find the defendant?
Juryman: He's guilty of mayhem, exposure indecent.
Man: Freaked out behavior both chronic and recent.
Jury: Drinking and driving, narcotics possession.
Foreman: And that's just page one of his ten page confession!
Judge: I should put you away where you can't kill or maim us, but this is LA, and you're rich and famous!
[the stage backdrop swings around to reveal the Betty Ford Center]

Criminal: I'm checking in.
All: He's checking in.
Criminal: I'm checking in,
All: Checking, checking In,
Criminal: No more pills or alcohol,
No more pot or Demerol,
No more stinking fun at all,
I'm checking in.
All: He's checking in, He's checking in.
Doctor: No more looking pale and thin,
No more bugs beneath you're skin.
[interns take his belt and medicine]
Criminal: Hey, that's just my aspirin.
[more interns put a hospital robe on the criminal]
All: Chuck it out, you're checking in.

Kiss From a Rose - Seal
This one also had me flabbergasted. I didn't know the name of the song or the artist. When I tried to pick out individual words, so I could do a search for them, I had a real hard time picking even one of them out. My only clue was, "Baaaybeee!" And I guessed the word "rose."

Don't judge me. It isn't an easy song to understand, even when it's played out loud. I looked at two different lyrics websites. One said, "a kiss from a rose on the grave." The other said, "kiss from a rose on the grey." That second site also lists every "ba da ba da da da ah ya ya," so I'm not sure if they are being ridiculous or thorough.

Where Is the Love? - Black Eyed Peas
This got into my head because I drove up Provo canyon on Saturday in a Jeep and it was playing. Not a big fan of the genre, but as far as hip-hop messages go, I approve of the non-violent, non-sexual theme. Still, I wouldn't equate the CIA with terrorism. My favorite line: "And if you hatin you’re bound to get irate."

That's poetry.

Billie Jean - Michael Jackson
I started singing this one because Amanda has a new roommate named Bobby Jean. I started to sing, "Bobby Jean is not my daughter...but Jed is not my son..."

I remember listening to this with my sister, Jan when we drove to and from Timpview in Gerry. (He was our old Ford truck. Gerald Ford). Jan had a tape (that's right, a CASSETTE) of Thriller, and for some reason she also had a bunch of Michael Jackson lyrics printed out and stored on the floor of the truck.

Why don't you list what song is playing in your head right now? And explain why.

A Job Done.

2008-08-04T17:13:00.008-06:00

I have a wonderful and a terrible job.

What makes it wonderful? No micromanagement. My boss doesn't even know where my desk is and he has never asked. We're in separate buildings. I can work for as long or as little as I like. Today, for instance, I took the whole morning off to buy furniture. He never knew, nor ever will. Unless he sees my time card.

What makes it terrible? I have to micromanage my boss. Since I'm a student working here, I don't really know everything I'm supposed to do. My boss doesn't realize that, but I'm painfully aware. I basically take raw data and organize it to make pretty graphs and charts for the report. But what kinds of graphs? What am I looking for? What do all these acronyms mean? If that's an equation, then where are the numbers? May I push the big red button? Can you repeat that? I'm always pestering him with questions.

It would be less inconvenient (and by that I mean, "more convenient") for both of us if I could just email him my results and he responded with the requisite changes, but I'm working on a secret government project in a room that has no outside network access. (BTW, if I told you I wouldn't have to kill you, but I would get sent to federal prison. I don't know what would happen to you). Any time I get stuck or I want to show him something, I find him in his office (if he's there and not busy) and bring him to the confidential room. Sometimes he is nowhere to be found. Maybe he's out buying furniture. I go back to my desk in the other building and send him an email.

While I'm there, I read the blogs.

The Mormons are at it again.

2008-07-31T11:06:00.006-06:00

Haha! I was just over at ChristianForums.com, inviting people to the Mormon Church. You have to use your words carefully there, since they censor anyone teaching 'outside' viewpoints. I know because they deleted one of my posts.

But then, I saw this banner advertisement and it made me so happy.

They should be a little nicer to their sponsors.

You have salad in your pants.

2008-07-29T17:30:00.001-06:00

I have a peculiar little hobby. Some people collect stamps or Russian dolls or Fabergé eggs. My collection is all in my head: the phrase, "You have salad in your pants" in several unique languages. This all began on the ride to a scout camping trip as a lad of, say 14, when cousin Spencer taught everyone in the suburban the Spanish phrase, "Tienes ensalada en tus pantelones." I became fascinated. I became obsessed.

It's been ten years, and if this was all I'd been doing for ten years I might feel a little underproductive. Here are the languages I have it memorized in:

English
Spanish
American
German
Swedish
French
American Sign Language
Japanese
Punjabi
Mandarin
Russian
Portuguese
Korean
Hmong
Norwegian
Czech
Finnish

In addition, I have forgotten how to say it in these languages:

Lithuanian
Ilonggo
Italian
Latin
Polish
Greek
Mongolian
Estonian

Attoparsec

2008-07-22T16:56:00.001-06:00

Parsecs are used in astronomy to measure enormous interstellar distances. A parsec is approximately 3.26 light-years or about 3.085×10¹⁶ m. Combining it with the "atto-" prefix yields attoparsec (apc), a conveniently human-scaled unit of about 3.085 centimeters (about 1 7/32 inches) that has no obvious practical use.

Interestingly, 1 attoparsec/microfortnight is nearly 1 inch/second (the actual figure is about 1.0043 inches per second, or approximately 2.55 cm/s).

TeeVee

2008-07-16T21:43:00.002-06:00

I do all of my television watching on-line now. It's way more efficient. There are shorter and fewer commercials, you can watch whenever and wherever you like, and most every show is online; some are even in high-def! They've even started putting old shows online, like Batman: the Animated Series.

My staple show is the Colbert Report. I haven't missed an episode in years. I usually have it on my laptop as I prepare and consume my dinner, since cooking for one is a time-consuming process (considering the desired output: a single plate). It takes my mind off my gurgling, angry stomach.

Another favorite has been Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! It's not TV, it's actually an NPR radio game show that plays weekly on Saturday mornings, but you can listen any time online. This is one I can listen to as I clean the kitchen or fold my laundry. They tell funny jokes. This makes me laugh.

I've also watched Lost, Heroes, Pushing Daisies, and My Name is Earl, but since I've caught up to the latest episodes (no thanks to the prolonged writers strike), there hasn't been much draw for them lately. Today, at the behest of Toni and Ben, I started watching the second season of 30 Rock. (The first season isn't on the site). It's very witty and quick, and I love their rapid-fire cut-scenes to people and events they reference in conversation.

I want more options. Is there a favorite show or radio program of yours that you could recommend?

Death by Haiku

2008-07-12T00:52:00.004-06:00

Spider approaching
my chair leg. "I'll lean my stool."
When it's under, SMOOSH!

Fresh Remarks

2008-06-20T14:55:00.007-06:00

You want a 'recent comments' section on your blogger blog? Follow these directions and it could happen to you!

1-Get behind the metaphorical curtain on your blog by clicking 'New Post' or 'Customize'
2-Click the 'Layout' tab
3-Click 'Add a Page Element'
4-Pick the 'HTML/JavaScript' option
5-Give it a title. Something original, like, "Recent Comments."
6-Select the following code and copy it in. I didn't write it, I only found it. Willie improved it (if you read it carefully, you'll see his name among the greater-thans, less-thans, and curly braces).
7-Don't bother Willie


<ul><script style="text/javascript">
// Willie 6/12/2008 - slight bug fixes (comments not
//linking correctly), and now capitalizes first letters
//of post titles.
function showrecentcomments(json) {
for (var i = 0; i < 5; i++) {
var entry = json.feed.entry[i];
var ctlink; 

if (i == json.feed.entry.length) break;
for (var k = 0; k < entry.link.length; k++) {
 if (entry.link[k].rel == 'alternate') {
   ctlink = entry.link[k].href;
   break;
 }
}

var ptlink = ctlink.split("#");
ptlink = ptlink[0];
var txtlink = ptlink.split("/");
txtlink = txtlink[5];
txtlink = txtlink.split(".html");
txtlink = txtlink[0];
var pttitle = txtlink.replace(/-/g," ");

// capitalize the first letters in the title (Willie)
var names = pttitle.split(' ');
for (var j = 0; j < names.length; j++) {
  names[j] = names[j].substring(0,1).toUpperCase() + names[j].substring(1);
}
pttitle = names.join(' ');

pttitle = pttitle.link(ptlink);
if ("content" in entry) {
  var comment = entry.content.$t;
}
else if ("summary" in entry) {
  var comment = entry.summary.$t;
}
else var comment = "";
var re = /<\S[^>]*>/g;
comment = comment.replace(re, "");

document.write('<li>');
document.write('<a href="' + ctlink + '">' + entry.author[0].name.$t + '</a>');
document.write(' on ' + pttitle);
document.write('<br/>');
if (comment.length < 50) {
 document.write(comment);
}
else {
 comment = comment.substring(0, 50);
 var quoteEnd = comment.lastIndexOf(" ");
 comment = comment.substring(0, quoteEnd);
 document.write(comment + '...<a href="' + ctlink + '">(more)</a>');
}
}
document.write('</li>');
}
</script>
<script src="http://yourblog.blogspot.com/feeds/comments/default?alt=json-in-script&callback=showrecentcomments">
</script></ul>
<noscript>Unfortunately, we are unable to show you the recent comments at this time.</noscript>

8-Change the green 5 to however many comments you want on your screen at a time.
9-Change the blue 50s to however many characters you want the snippet of comment to be.
10-Change the red yourblog to whatever blog you'd like to monitor (usually it's your own).
11-Save your changes.
12-Go look at your blog and see if anything changed.
13-Send Thad $50. (Paypal accepted)

**In testing this out, I discovered that yourblog.blogspot.com is an actual site, run by a woman named Nancy. If you don't change anything in the code, the comments on her blog will grace your page.

Goat bones come from sheep

2008-06-02T11:39:00.002-06:00

Playing the traditional Mongolian game of goat ankle bones last night, I came across a situation I hadn't encountered before: you roll two horses, so you pick each one up one at a time with your left hand. Should everyone ante up with two bones or just one?
If you are not familiar with this game, you ought to go to Mongolia and get yourself a set. The bones, I found out today, are called 'Shagai' and are the cuboid bones from the ankles of sheep (at least according to Wikipedia). My friends David, Marc, and Curtis went to Mongolia two years ago and claimed they were goat bones. It's possible they are interchangeable. That would streamline the goat-manufacturing process.

Wikipedia didn't have the game rules that I was taught, although there were some great ideas for other games you might play with these osteological wonders. The Silver Horde's rules were closer, but omitted the distinctive role that horses play in the game.

I'm beginning to wonder how much wool my three жуулчин friends had pulled over their eyes.

Microwave Minutiae

2008-05-23T09:05:00.003-06:00

Most people like punching in microwave seconds in multiples of 10. You know, 20 seconds, 30 seconds, etc. I prefer multiples of 11.

Since my finger is already on the 4, why do a search for the number zero when I can just hit 4 again? It's way more efficient.

Can't Stop the Work from Progressing...

2008-05-08T17:24:00.004-06:00

I just checked my grades, and I got straight A's!

Oh, and feel free to call again. My double life has been done for several weeks now. My new project is to analyze some of the data we were taking during my double life. This week, like most first weeks on a new job, has been a steep learning curve. On Monday I didn't even know where my new boss' office was. Tuesday, I spent my time looking up documents and reading them (some of the driest reading I've ever encountered). Wednesday, I familiarized myself with the computers in the classified room. And today, I finally identified what I don't yet know. (It's hard to ask your boss questions when you don't know what you don't know).

You know how passionate my mom is about family history and genealogy? That bug hasn't bit me yet, but I've really gotten into the 'proclaim the gospel' branch of the Church. My Mormon blog has been taking off (with the help of some great co-contributors), and I find myself out searching for blogs of current investigators so I can tell them about it, too. We get around 20 unique visitors per day (more on days with a new post), so if you have anything to submit to the site, do so cheerfully.

Bret's Quotes

2008-04-25T15:19:00.003-06:00

Some of the funniest things fall out of Bret's mouth. I'm not convinced it's all on purpose, but it is a riot being his roommate.

Thad (sniffing the sewage-laden air) : "Whew! It stinks! Bret, what did you do?"
Bret: "Rolled in it."

Jenette: "I've always been interested in becoming an FBI agent."
Bret: "Why don't you talk to the guys who are always following me everywhere?"

Bret: "Thad! Would you say your debt is 'manageable', 'unmanageable', or 'juuust right!'?"

Thad: "Bret, I just brushed my teeth!"
Bret: "Good job, Thad! That deserves a cookie!"

(At stake conference, thinking about our upcoming breakfast-for-lunch)
Thad: "I don't know... I'm not very hungry right now."
Bret: "You are going to be hungry. And you're going to want to eat a lot of pancakes. You will be tempted, but you won't be tempted above that which you can bear, because I won't make that many pancakes."

(Letting him look over my math homework to check his work)
Thad: "...but don't just trust that all of my answers are correct. I didn't completely understand everything either."
Bret: "Don't worry. I'm one step ahead of you: I always assume everything you say is false."

It's 4 am and the phone is ringing in the whitehouse...

2008-04-15T04:18:00.003-06:00

...who do you want answering the phone?

Actually, it should be 'whom do you want answering the phone?' I wouldn't approve that message. Not with such blatant (and flagrant**) use of bad grammar.

My point is, it really is 4 in the morning (at least when I started writing this, before I got side-tracked watching political ads on YouTube and looking up the proper usage of the word 'blatant'). I have been getting up at 3:20 every morning, six-days a week, but it is all about to come to an end. Tomorrow. I can't wait.

For the most part it's worked out fine. It gave me time to study my scriptures in the morning. I thought I would take care of most of my homework during this period, too, but it turns out I'm difficult this early. I can't even summon the energy to attempt to motivate myself.

I'll work these hours again in the fall, but in the meantime I'm taking lots of vacations. They have to keep me on. I've got job security in the same way sewage plant operators have job security.

**Usage Note: It is not surprising that blatant and flagrant are often confused, since the words have overlapping meanings. Both attribute conspicuousness and offensiveness to certain acts. Blatant emphasizes the failure to conceal the act. Flagrant, on the other hand, emphasizes the serious wrongdoing inherent in the offense. Certain contexts may admit either word depending on what is meant: a violation of human rights might be either blatant or flagrant. If it was committed with contempt for public scrutiny, it is blatant. If its barbarity was monstrous, it is flagrant. · Blatant is sometimes used to mean simply "obvious," as in the blatant danger of such an approach, but this use has not been established and is widely considered an error.

It's Eerie, but True!

2008-04-09T05:55:00.004-06:00

Bully!

2008-03-26T19:19:00.006-06:00

My cousin, Brian recently described a close encounter with a ferocious, man-eating Jackal while exploring the untamed African savanna.

The closest thing to a wild, African adventure I've had was yesterday, when Safari somehow downloaded itself to my computer.

Make It a Double

2008-03-21T18:22:00.002-06:00

I lead a double life.

Yes, I am here to tell you that in the time it takes you mere mortals to live one day (24 hours) I live through two. My first morning begins much the same as yours, except it's darker and about 4 hours earlier. I wake up, dress, eat, and drive to work. Because I'm a student, half of my first day of the day is spent in classes, furiously copying down notes from the whiteboards. I finish the day at home, eating lunch and watching the Colbert Report online. Bedtime is at 1:30pm.

My second morning begins around 5 or 6 in the evening. I wake up groggy, but refreshed. It takes a little time to get my voice back. I take the necessary time to complete homework, eat, and do whatever kind of social activity there is that day. I try to end my second day at about the same time as you normal people: 11ish.

I would recommend the benefits of double-day living to everyone, except Bret informed me that I only have a certain number of days to live my life and this will bring me to my grave in half the time.

Me: I feel gross. I haven't showered since...yesterday.
Bret: So?
Me: Well, I've slept three times since then.
Bret: Oh, okay. You should shower.

Tally Hall!

2008-03-13T19:22:00.004-06:00

A couple of weeks ago I received an exciting announcement from Tally Hall in my inbox that said:

1. On April 1, we'll be re-releasing "MARVIN'S MARVELOUS MECHANICAL MUSEUM" on Atlantic Records, replete with VARIOUS BONUS MATERIALS. We remixed it with producer/engineer Chris Shaw (Weezer, Bob Dylan, Ween), and it is now FANCIER. The first single, "GOOD DAY," will be released THIS TUESDAY on iTunes.
2. We've spent the last year cloistered in Ann Arbor, crafting something we call "TALLY HALL'S INTERNET SHOW." We're nearly done, and excited to begin releasing episodes along with the re-release.
3. In addition to the album and Internet Show, we've got lots of OTHER STUFF on the horizon -- a new WEBSITE, a BLOG, lots of LIVE SHOWS, and MORE. Details on all this stuff will be coming very soon...

TOUR DATES:
02-27-08: PHOENIX, AZ
02-28-08: SAN DIEGO, CA
03-01-08: LOS ANGELES, CA
03-02-08: SAN FRANCISCO, CA
03-04-08: PORTLAND, OR
03-05-08: SEATTLE, WA
03-07-93: PROVO, UT
03-09-08: DENVER, CO
03-XX-08: AUSTIN, TX
03-17-08: TULSA, OK
03-18-08: ST. LOUIS, MO
03-19-08: DES MOINES, IA
03-20-08: CHICAGO, IL
03-21-08: CHICAGO, IL
03-22-08: GRAND RAPIDS, MI
04-05-08: LANSING, MI
04-06-08: MT. PLEASANT, MI

You'll notice that they visited Provo FIFTEEN YEARS AGO! Luckily, I bought tickets before they sold out.

It was fantastic, but it could have done with fewer opening bands. Tally Hall played many of their classics (i.e. several songs from their album) to which the audience enthusiastically sang along.

For their first encore they asked the crowd to open a circle up in the middle so they could come out among us and play. It was cool. And very cramped. We made the space, but nobody wanted to sit down among a bunch of already-compacted standing people, so I called out, "1...2...3..." and it worked! Everybody sat down at once.

The heretofore vociferous audience became very quiet as the white-shirt-and-solid-colored-tie-clad performers strummed and tapped their acoustic devices. They played Be Born. And another one I didn't know (Ross and Andrew played on xylophones!). Then they packed up and hid backstage.

Unwilling to let them off so easy, the crowd chanted in unison, "Taa-Lee Hall! Taa-Lee Hall! Taa-Lee Hall!..." until they obliged us with two more songs: Two Wuv (that's the Mary Kate and Ashley one), and Praise You.

Had this been the only thing to happen that night, I can assure you I would have been satisfied, but as we walked to Dave's car, I overheard Curtis make a remark that got me very excited. I gasped. And then I gasped again.

Recall the road trip where we began a game we thought would never end. It started on December 28 and ended the night Curtis flippantly muttered "taxicab," just seventy days later. Let it be written that "What Are You Thinking Of? X-treme" has been won for the first time. Rumor has it that Curtis is preparing for round 2.

Five Sides to Every Story

2008-02-29T09:53:00.003-07:00

I probably should tell all y'all what I've been doing instead of blogging.

I got a new job. Well, consider it more of a transfer. My task of modeling modular satellites came to an end about three weeks ago, but my supervisor Quinn Young looked around the Space Dynamics Lab and found another guy who was hiring. Dean Ferguson came to my desk and gave me the pitch, but I wasn't sure...he wanted me to work nights.

I held out for two solid days, considering my options. Then he returned and put the icing on the cake: a one-dollar raise.

The new job is part of the MKV project, paid for by the Department of Defense and contracted by Lockheed Martin. I don't know a lot about the project, but I do know that "MKV" stands for Multiple Kill Vehicle. SDL was contracted to calibrate a sensor for it. Turns out, that's one of the things they (we?) specialize in.

I've been doing odd jobs and attending meetings during the day. I won't begin my night-job proper for about another week or so, since we're still just getting the sensor all set up. I'll be working the baker's shift (4-7am), which is optimal, since I have morning classes every day and afternoons are open to napping.

I should also mention that this pentagon project is classified. What this means is I can't bring my cell phone into the room, so don't bother calling me at five in the morning. I won't answer. Also, I've already received interrim clearance, but the FBI investigation is ongoing, which means you may be contacted to vouch for me. And they could be reading this blog right now.

Just thought I'd add a little paranoia to your day.

Frozen in Time

2008-02-11T21:09:00.000-07:00

What do I believe?

2008-01-08T22:07:00.000-07:00

Mormons get a bad wrap in the news media. Fringe topics like plural marriage and who gets to hold the priesthood seem to be on all the headlines, while our central focus on Jesus Christ is
swept to the corner.
Elder M. Russell Ballard recently spoke to the graduating class of BYU-Hawaii. He said that conversations about the Church would take place whether or not Church members decided to participate in them.

“We cannot stand on the sidelines while others, including our critics, attempt to define what the Church teaches,” he said.

“While some conversations have audiences in the thousands or even millions, most are much, much smaller. But all conversations have an impact on those who participate in them. Perceptions of the Church are established one conversation at a time.”

One of his suggestions to the students was to join the conversation using new media such as blogs. A handful of my favorite Mormons and I began one such blog called "What Do Mormons Believe?"

I invite you to take a look and leave comments. While the intended audience is curious non-members, I'm sure the topics discussed will be enlightening for everyone. Let me know if you have any suggestions or issues to address.

Also, feel free to advertise for it. The more links to it out in the internet wilderness, the more it will pop up above the anti-Mormon stuff in search engines.

The Happy Hajj

2008-01-03T15:25:00.001-07:00

To answer your burning questions, no. I haven't finished the Book of Mormon, but I'm still forging on ahead with it.

One week ago I embarked on a journey...a pilgrimage to Mecca. The path was long and treacherous, fraught with deep pits and precipices on every side, but deeply rewarding in many ways.

I'll try to focus on some highlights:

Those on the trip included me, David, JaLeen, Bekah, and Luke. The girls were complete strangers, Luke I had met, and Dave I knew quite well. The path would lead us from Provo to Las Vegas, then through the back roads to Amboy, Mecca, and on to San Diego, Los Angeles, and Apple Valley, and back!

Guess what I'm thinking of X-treme!
Long car rides can get boring, but only if you spend them with boring people. We passed the time playing a game of our own invention, similar to 20 questions, but with no narrowing the playing field down using questions. Only taking wild stabs in the dark.

We first played the non-extreme version, where Dave eventually started saying "closer" and "farther" until we landed upon Panama City. Then we opted for the additional challenge of no hints whatsoever, and I thought of some thing for the rest of our group to guess. It has been nearly 7 days now, with probably half of all things in existence having been guessed, but they still don't know what it is.

We played the game periodically with other friends we met along the way, and were surprised to find that rather than hating and dismissing the game, everyone we met embraced it fully and began to play.

Amboy, CA
This little town we found stuck in a timewarp from the old Route 66. There is an old 50's style architecture hotel called "Roy's", a gas station, and a post office. (And thankfully, a functioning restroom). Population 3. We took some cool pictures and met a granola named Dave who lives in his truck and manages the gas station.

Just before entering town there is a shoe tree. A solitary tamarisk tree has become the hanging spot of hundreds of shoes from passing motorists. We're not sure why, but it made us giddy with joy when we stopped to admire it.

Beyond town is Amboy Crater, an extinct volcano. We climbed to the top and had lunch. Me and Dave played frisbee, Luke wrote a poem and took pictures of the sunset (it was a late lunch), and the girls were planning on playing a game of Skip-Bo, but it got too dark, cold, and windy. Walking back to the car was dark, but the stars were bright and many. We couldn't find our car, so we asked God where we should go. Not 2 minutes later we found a concrete path lined with handrails on both sides that led directly to our car. Thanks again, Father.

The Glowing House
On the way to our primary destination, we discovered a glowing abandoned shack in the middle of the darkest part of the Mojave desert. It had bright, psychedelic, kaleidescope colors being projected on all of its sides. Every other once in awhile a message would flash: "poplight.net" Check it out for video of the house.

Mecca, CA
This was our pilgrimage. We arrived in Mecca around 9ish and took pictures of the "Welcome to..." sign. At the local park we found a decorative stone, which we ran around 7 times counter clockwise. We then found a brick wall and a handful of rocks and stoned Satan.

El Pueblo de Nuestra Señora la Reina de los Ángeles del Río de Porciúncula, CA
(which can be abbreviated to 2.7% of its original length: L.A.)
We met up with a BYU friend Alyx and visited the camping park in the middle of town. Then the beach. It was such nice weather in contrast to Provo, but still too cold to get deeper than our ankles. There was a lot of garbage that had washed up on shore, which helped me understand why Californians tend to be green-freaks.

Alyx's high school friends, Bryce and Carly caught up with us there, but they were a little hesitant to identify themselves with us crazy Utahns. Especially when we began the foot race and the piggy back race. Later, when we got Jamba Juices, they started playing What Am I Thinking Of X-treme with us and really got into it. We also played Balderdash at the local Mormon church and the zombies found us.

These are only some of the highlights of the trip. I'll post pictures as soon as I get them.

I wish I had good news

2007-12-19T15:19:00.001-07:00

First, thank you to each of you who contacted me in one way or another to see how my goal was coming along and for giving me encouragement. It really did have an effect on me.

If I hadn't put the goal on my blog, I would have:

forgotten my new goal within two days
put a half-hearted effort into it
erased any record that I had made the goal after I failed to achieve it

Now, I have to come back here and face you people and tell you that I didn't quite finish the Book of Mormon. In fact, I'm only in 2 Nephi. I have loads of excuses, but instead of hanging my head and giving up, I'm going to extend my deadline. I will also make a plan for success, since I didn't really do that last time.

I learned the skill of goal-setting on my mission, but it doesn't do me much good sitting in my brain.