I was just coming down with a migraine, which begins with distorted vision (but no pain). I took a couple Ibuprofen and Bret to school*, picked up 32 ounces of Mountain Dew, and went back home. The pain began, but it was quelled with caffeine.
People think I don't drink caffeinated soda because I'm some uppity Mormon. I may be uppity, but I keep my distance from the dark brew mainly to preserve this silver bullet against migraines. If I were a regular drinker, my body would not recognize the elixir as the salve it has been.
In fact, I've heard that caffeine addicts tend to receive migraines more regularly whenever they sober up.
It's also a testimony to me that the Word of Wisdom is inspired. Even though caffeinated soda has proven to be addictive, it was never explicitly forbidden by the Lord, perhaps for reasons such as this. Just like how tobacco can still be used for bruises and all sick cattle.
After contemplating these things, I took a nap (I don't know how I can nap after drinking so much Mountain Dew, but I never have problems). When I awoke about an hour later, I noticed three things:
- I needed to visit the restroom.
- My stomach was downright hostile with hunger.
- My hands wouldn't stop vibrating.
*Is that sentence an acceptable parallel structure?